git dum wit mee

soundcloud.com/chineseripoff/deep-water

What I have become

A social alcoholic, 
A low key twerker,
A hopeless friend who wants to be romantically involved with this woman,
But I dont want to be a roman,
I've become a little more fiscally responsible,
I've broken my knuckle,
A shit shift leader,
A terrible lyricist; & shit trap-styler,
I've become experimental with pharamaceuticals,
I am hungering to be challenged;
I need outlets,
Cryptic fapper,
Clap trap, not it,
Nose on my finger,
Short straw safe,
Alliterate, my illiterate ways,
Enjoy company of my city's way,
High price/low standard
Of living,
Get low,
Stay high,
Be strong;
Act right.

beyonce,

I've kept my mind off you the whole day, an achievement in itself, but the more I think about our relationship, the more i treasure it. What I really want from this is a little bit of tenderness and some wisdom. You are a strong woman.

Also at what point does hanging with a girl, who you would like to stay friends with, ends up being a good friend and less of a love interest?

I might have hit the tipping point of being friend zoned. And im A-ok, with that.

And i remember every kiss

Is a lie.
I dont remember rhe girl who stole my "first kiss,"
Cant say high school i had my first kiss,
But i know i may hold people i like in high regard,
So i hope not to kiss anyone who doesnt burn me like the sun.
Im just always looking at these girls with a slight intent, but nothing more, because even girls even want men, & women only want men. 
Nothing more than semi-drunk musing, 
I wont become a man, because i dont want to be one. 

DITTO

wut x3

i really do enjoi that i can stalk my people with what they are willing to put out theere.
it's almost like they put their lives on netflix for me to access when i ever i can, because sometiems you cant check up on all your people all the time.
it took me a sad call of disparity from danny to realize, that contact with others and yourself is very important.
cause if you leave no time for yourself to make you happy, who are you?
ive been grinding in the worst way possible,
just waking up, straight to work,
and then drink after or go straight home.
i need to get out of this grind as sooon as possible and make more of my day
and make more of the time that i have.
i got a lot of it.
#EuropeanUnion #NoNewFriends #HumpSlo #Ch9 #No1EvenCurr

Control 11.30.11

i need a bit more in my life.

i need the reins in my hands,

the steering wheel used to be too slippery, but now i've got a grip.
tape me, cause im supposed to do good without much failure.
people better recognize its okay to fail if you dont know what you're supposed to do yet.
haven't got all the instructions to do it correct.
can't let my emotions lead what i do,
they should only take up trunk space in my mind.
cause seriously, fuck a backseat driver.
if you riding shotgun you're only in charge of the soundtrack,
open to opinions, but not going not take every word you say as truth.

so please please please...dont let me get what i want.
just shut up, sit down, and listen man.
i've got something to say, and pay attention, unless you're broke in the mental department.

Name:  doesnt matter
Gender: doesnt matter
Height: doesnt matter
Eye color: Boring
Hair Color: plain
Age: 21
Birthday: at the end of time
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous: wrong
Piercings:  nun
Tattoos: zilch
Zodiac Sign: cap
Ring Size:  ?
Grade:  burnout
More about you: more about nobody

Are you named after anyone? just am
Do you live in the moment? not anymore/live 4 the moment
Do you consider yourself tolerent to others? unwaveringly so.
Do you have any secrets? not really secrets anymore.
Do you hate yourself? yes, with deep intent.
Do you like your handwriting? its the worst
Do you have any bad habits? they come and go.
If you were another person, would you be friends with you? not really i would stay from me like a disease.
Any regrets? enough that i feel this life isnt worth living.
Do you think life has been good so far? in that past 5 years yes, before that, non.
Are you confident? confidence is lacking like hygiene.
How long does it take you to shower? as long as women
What color is your room? plain/white
Where do you want to attend college? formerly CCSF

Do you...?

Smoke? at a whim
Do drugs? at a whim
Drink? at a whim/when its free
Go to church? da fuck is church my du?
Sleep with stuffed animals? a long time ago
Take walks in the rain? dislike being wet
Talk to people even if you hate them? if it necessary
Drive? when i can
Believe in premarital sex? it happens when it happens
Want to get married? no
Want to go to college? not any longer.
Want to have children? none
Sing in the shower? to the best audience in the room
Get along with you parents? on the slightest of chances/ when i need things that are not necessary
Get along with your sibling/s? occasionally
Color/highlight your hair?  a few times i have
Like coffee? elixer of boredom
Wear makeup everytime you go out?  i cant even make up my mind.
Love roller coasters? its been too long
Like to cook? cant cook anything more than 4 steps

Have you ever...?

Hurt yourself? not intentionally
Been out of the country? Yes
Been in love? dont think i can 
Done drugs? i feel grass is as far as ill go. (but i am still open to experimentation)
Gone skinny dipping? Nope.
Had surgery? Not that i recall
Played strip poker? i wont even entertain the idea
Been on stage? a few times.
Pulled an all nighter? for recreational reasons/never for school
Gone one day without food? almost/but i can only go so long without food.
Slept all day? Yes, and its not its all cracked up to be.
Kissed a stranger? on the account of virtually not knowing anything other than she was a cousin's friend. yes.
Had a dream that came true? a few childish dreams.a
Broken the law? almost always everytime put the key into the ignition.
Stolen anything? nothing big.
Been on radio/tv? not that i recall.
Been in a mosh-pit? close...but still too scared to get fucked up.
Bungee jumped? too scary.
Had a dream that kept coming back? nope, i hardly dream
Gone out of state? not in a while.
Live in other states? nope, two major areas of cali doe.
Eaten an entire box of oreos? its possible, but havent finished one, yet.
Had a movie marathon? its seems impossible, but easier than life.
Spun until you were immensely dizzy? not since playground merry-go-rounds
Been on a plane? dont like the process to get in em. but they are enjoyable.
Ran into a wall? yes, if you count a bed's flat bottom, almost straight knocked out my teeth.
Been rejected by a crush?yes 
Cried in public? not that i recall.
Cried over a movie? too much for a person of my stature
Pranked called someone? who hasnt
Gotten a cavity? does this look like the profile of someone who doesnt like sweets?
Shopped at Abercrombie and Fitch? personally, no.
Broken a bone? fractured my nose, now owen wilson and i have too things in common. depression and messed up nose.
Fallen from a tree? i've fallen off my dad's shoulders and cut my head slightly.
Passed out? nope. not yet.
Been to a theme park? a healthy amount of times.
Eaten sushi? when i can get it.

This or That

Pepsi or Coke: either or. but really mexican coke is where its at.
McDonalds or BUrger King: whenever i feel like the high life. ;o
Chocolate or Vanilla: not even a question. dark chocolate
Black or White: white on black on white on black.
Burgers or Hot dogs: bacon dogs.
Boxers or briefs: Boxers
Book or magazine: mags, i dont have patience.
TV or radio: internet.
is the glass half empty or half full: im indifferent.
sun or moon: computer screen
hot or cold: swamp butt hot.
romantic comedy or thriller: ROM COM. always
waffles or pancakes: roscoe's
Florida or california: Cali
Black and white or color photos: colour, cause its so hard to not take a shitty black and white photo.
The city, the beach, OR the country: i act like a beach bum in the city.
Tennis shoes or sandals: skate shoes.
Sweet or sour: bitter
Private or public school: no school
Cappuccino or coffee: cafe au lait
English or history: english
Science or math: non

Do you believe ...?

in miracles? not anymore. more so favors
in magic? i believe in little people who steal stuff
in God? he's someone who cant do shit for me specifically.
in Satan? he's a lame fuck who's lazy
in ghosts? havent experienced anything remotely close.
in luck? Yes.
in love at first sight? nope.
in Santa? the idea.
in the Easter Bunny? not relevant.
in witches? not beyond how those harry potter kids made bank.
that it's possible to remain faithful forever? impossible through my standards.
in wishing on shooting stars? i never really think about it when i do notice em.
that cussing is a necessity in life? yes, you should be free to be as vulgar as you want.
yourself? nope. i hardly think about myself. not in a selfless kind of way, more like not important kind of way.

Love and all that

Do you consider love a mistake? never been in.
If someone you had no interest in had interest in dating you how would you? never.
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them? its a plus.
What is worst about the opposite sex? if i cant do normal things with you
Who and when was your first crush? this deserves an lol.
First thing you notice about the opposite sex? derriere. eyes, hair and style.

Right this moment...

What are you wearing? a white T with the letter T spraypainted askewed on it in black.
What are you worried about? waking up for a shop meeting at work.
What book are you reading? attempting to finish Zooey and Franny
What time is it? 5:07 am
Are you bored? restless
Are you tired? hardly
Are you talking to anyone online or on the phone? i have no friends, just people i know.
Are you lonely or content? lone wolf 4 lyfe.
Are you listening to music, if so then what? yes, Be Comfortable, creature - Explosions in the Sky

The Last...

Dream you had: random/unimportant things
Nightmare: dont care to remember them
Time you cried: its been a long minute.
Movie you watched: fragments of "A Little Princess" with my sis and bro.
Movie you rented: ...what is renting?
Book you read: Deathly Hallows
Word you said:  up, from "i am going to be hella noisy when i wake up"
Time you laughed: when i heard little girls dreaming about sausages in the movie. and then again when me and nick were talking about a famous line we both know from childhood "that'll do pig"
Person to call you: mom
CD you played: i dont really listen to cds but an album...maybe Childish Gambino's "Camp"
Song you listened to: see earlier
annoyance: my restlessness
IM sent or received: years ago./really days
Time you yelled: at people.
Person you yelled at: not out of anger i believe. (cant remember)
time you were a skirt: last time i wasnt a boy.
time you fought with your parents: when i dont tell my mom i am going out to drink with the boys.
Time you wished on a shooting star: lulz i was going to when danny was here and bryan noticed one i noticed and said i didnt see it, so i didnt wish on it.
Thing you ate: pie with creme friche
Time you showered: this morn
Nail polish color worn: never

Your favorite:

Type of gum: used to be juicy fruit for the longest, but now im about quantity so its usually orbit sweet mint
Restaurant: i dont really go out, but back in LA...it is hands down Bollini's even though i've only been once.
Season: that LA summer
Type of weather: i can deal with ball sweat hot, but not sweat evaporating off my skin hot.
Color: grey and black
Perfume: cologne nigga, and it be some john varvatos
Candy: twix. sum dark schocolate ish. and something minty.
Pizza topping: mushrooms and olives
Fruit: the kind i dont have to peel. banana is the only exception
Veggie: spinache
Type of cake: ice cream cake any will usually do, as long its not vanilla. actually something along the lines of mint chocolate chip ice cream cake or cookies and cream
Magazine: it should be any, but i think something that can last me a while and doesnt have any disparaging ads. 
TV Show: atm, Was "party down", Arrested Development, and ze community, cartoons, are that new school-ish
Day of the week: Currently I do not have a favorite day of th eweek. It used to be Wednesday, though.
Month: May-Aug fer dat summer
Holiday: anytime i get to do nothing.
Number: 4, 7
Sport to watch:  not a sport, but skateboarding.
Flower: dont really have a favorite flower, but off the top, it would have to be orchids.

what is it that i love?

so i've been thinking, do i really have a love that's waiting for me?

or am i waiting for love to find me?

do i have anything in my life that i adore so much i can use the word "love" to describe how much i like it?

i believe i do, i dont know it, but i do love food, i love pizza, i love ice cream and i love arcades, i loved the time that hearkened back to when i didnt have any worries. playing pokemon brought me back to that point a little, but did take a toll, a toll on my sleep, another thing i love. also doing nothing and thinking. sometimes i wish i could get paid for talking, im not funny, not really likeable, not handsome, i like to pretend i'm a lot of things. and i like to pretend, i can connect to people on level somewhat more personally, but tumblr is a great big delusion for this, besides the fact for a few people. who i have met and can glady say i would hang out with them, and the few i used to know, i feel i still do, but now they are merely friends i know through tumblr.

i like to say i get to know people, but do i really care?

Reasons

The reasons i cannot function in society.

• i cannot speak to women, the prettier they are the more i cannot look them in the eye.
• i only care for few things: Music, skateboarding, watching comedies to remind me how dull and unadventurous my lyfe really is.
• i LOVE handouts.
• i LOVE doing nothing.
• I love WATCHING stuff.
• I AM ENAMORED WITH PERSONALITIES THROUGH THE BLOG FORMAT.
• i am immediately turned off by closed-minded women...
• hyper-intellectuals disgust me.
• social skills are deteriorated to the point of inaccessibility 
• i cannot for the lyfe of me feign interest of something this is uninteresting.
• i loathe myself and and demeaning to people all the time.

i dont count my positives because the negatives outweigh the positives.

ideas. for the coming new year.

making clothes is going to be the business. and that graphic/contrast pocket tee is the hype. and the button up oxford denim L/S needs to die, i am feeling so uncool for not having one. and my collection of button ups need some new friends.

i should of joined a sewing class this semester. so i can occupy myself and make some money on the side.

what is the point of a title?

and what is the point of a laugh track in a sitcom?

that's wilfred and louie are like the epitome of comedy.

parks and recs too, i see why people liked the office.

just watch TV again and see if there's a laugh track, if there is. that means the show is shit.

HULU+

what my girl has/can/cant like/do/be

she has to like pizza,
and SUSH.
ICE cream.

going out occasionally.


and uhm movies.

she cannot be vegan.
she cannot be broke.
she cannot live her mama.
she has to have highly similar music tastes.
and get down to waka flocka flame.

likes to burp, in my face. and on my one eyed trouser snake.
likes

Sept-OCT

no more ditching classes.

even if its to get video game compensation.

study every weekend (3 chapters)

practice japanese.

tuesdays thursdays and whenever possible.

and uhm. cross my fingers for HumpSlo

i am hipster

i am,

need to really start "reviewing"

and study and bull shit.

but this lay-z ness. is not working.

Just call me HumpSlo, please.

i want to work with pretty people and serve ice cream.

i would love it forever.

i dont like writing papers

the irony of is, i am arguing about how over parenting produces lame fucks like me.

can't really follow through assholes.  and they become dependent on people. and they wont be an ounce of worth.

so its like the wall (dare i say his name?) god put to test me and show that i am not like the kids and their parents described in the short essay. (suck a dick C. W. Nevius)



im going to turn in my resume at this creamery because this one cute indian lady (tess) who works there implored me to.

bad thing is, she's the (floor) manager. i find her pretty damn alluring.

goal for the week,

finish first draft tomorrow morning.

turn in Resume at Spirit,(where ever), HumpSlo, and idk...that one pizza place?


i need to get a what do you call that thing, "an agenda" to stay on top of things.

Japanese: A- English: B- Hist: B+

i am falling behind.

and video game testing is pretty ill.

ULTIMATE life GOAL; reach by 2020

move to norway/sweden/svenski-town

learn their language, eat meatballs all day.

gain an unconditional love for disco/twee-pop/and unrelenting love for music.

change my name to something with a zero witha slash through it.

make music.

site, Jens Lekman/Acid House Kings/Kings of Convenience/Whitest Boy Alive/(Auntie)Jill Karen Santos Recinto/Jay (omg i dont know my favorite uncle's middle name) Santos

Meatball Life and Jorgen-Sporgity

Ikea. POTS, TAPE  SOUP, WHITE BOY.

Proper Gentleman Confidence.

a taste for Cold Days and shit.

life life life

my favorite cousin is moving away,

we arent even that close. i am sad.

the santos cousins who like arent total recluses, threw a party last night.

i made no connections at all, invited hella people, didnt drink beer, just shots and i still woke up with a mad ass headache the next morning.

unless you count this one girl i've only seen once before that night.

(i slobbered all over her face like a saint bernard, sorry nikki.)
i need a some mota-vation. but i've passing it up everytime i am offered a chance to smoke.

i how many friend have i made in the past year, that i can count on.

(what like three? Bryan, Remy & Justin?)

what point is there in continuing to live a purpose-less life?

why do i even play video games still?

according to my religious "beliefs" why would god let someone who just bandwagons on to anything to come to earth/life? i have no real aim to be anything or anyone, i just dream of that shit.

i dream of having important people as my friends, not sad delusions of relatives who hate what they do but keep doing it cause its the only thing they know.

i forget to add i joined the mob for the outside lands bum rush. and boy was it worth it. i wish i didnt leave though.

school school school. what is the point of me going? to get a Jay-Oh-Bee?

i dont find this bull shit worth it, i wish living a life was as "easy/filled with fortune" as the board game of life.

"wishes are the reason i do not try as hard."

there is just no pleasing me, words that come out of my mother's mouth. she already feels i am not doing anything to make myself better. well think about this, if my goddamned grandmother stopped telling me all the negative things my dad did, and say dont be like him. shit you know i am just going to turn around and be like him. i am my father's son, thats why my last name is rodriguez. (they probably should have gotten my name changed while i was young and didnt know any better, which is a thought that still runs through my head often)

and is really all my fault i have such bad study habits? i can easily remember not doing things on time since i was in 4th grade.

what did my dad do to even win my mother over? see, there's no positive reinforcement on anything that i found to be personally interesting, even my interest in music. it has faltered, it is gone, i just do these things because everyone else does it too. and also i am afraid of being phony. the fear itself has probably changed my whole persona to be a phony version of what i could truly be. i have no honor, i never loved my family. i hate everyone, there are no more reasons to keep a blog.

and its true, people dont remember the good that you did, if the bad is pretty memorable.

signed a dead soul,
who has nothing to live for.
nothing to give,
never thankful.
not a single damn given,

not a single care in the world.

"friend-less" awkward, no game,
shoplifter, alcoholic, chronic masturbator,
vain, selfish, blame-game.
guiltless, dishonest, absent minded.
the space between my ear is preoccupied with a leech.
i wish i had cancer so i can feel like everyone "loves" me.
i need some attention.

dis work lyfe

i've abandoned you until the dead of you life,

i've almost stuck in the knife i dont want to lose those nose-TALGIC posts.

my breath is coffee, i am not asleep.

imagine i dont go to work though?

,



my needs are too minimal and too great at the same time,



c6h12o, companionship, and a steady income for doing nothing (UO better fucking call me back)



and this brain needs some plastic surgery, and expansion of space and recall needs an update. my tastes are numb, my friends distant, & my family non existent (with the exception of los santos cousins.) maybe going on a mission wouldnt have been a bad idea. cause its just as bad as dying for your country. some thing i dont have or needed, a mind. because its been waste for a looooong time.

SNARKY. what does this mean? my favorite aunt has called me and used it quite often.

can i be gay? i feel like my life would be a lot more real if i was. i wouldnt have any trouble, my excuse for everything i did would b e okay i would move out. my immediate family (mom's side), they would disown automatically.

fin.

find.

me.
self.
now.