Control 11.30.11

i need a bit more in my life.

i need the reins in my hands,

the steering wheel used to be too slippery, but now i've got a grip.
tape me, cause im supposed to do good without much failure.
people better recognize its okay to fail if you dont know what you're supposed to do yet.
haven't got all the instructions to do it correct.
can't let my emotions lead what i do,
they should only take up trunk space in my mind.
cause seriously, fuck a backseat driver.
if you riding shotgun you're only in charge of the soundtrack,
open to opinions, but not going not take every word you say as truth.

so please please please...dont let me get what i want.
just shut up, sit down, and listen man.
i've got something to say, and pay attention, unless you're broke in the mental department.

Name:  doesnt matter
Gender: doesnt matter
Height: doesnt matter
Eye color: Boring
Hair Color: plain
Age: 21
Birthday: at the end of time
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous: wrong
Piercings:  nun
Tattoos: zilch
Zodiac Sign: cap
Ring Size:  ?
Grade:  burnout
More about you: more about nobody

Are you named after anyone? just am
Do you live in the moment? not anymore/live 4 the moment
Do you consider yourself tolerent to others? unwaveringly so.
Do you have any secrets? not really secrets anymore.
Do you hate yourself? yes, with deep intent.
Do you like your handwriting? its the worst
Do you have any bad habits? they come and go.
If you were another person, would you be friends with you? not really i would stay from me like a disease.
Any regrets? enough that i feel this life isnt worth living.
Do you think life has been good so far? in that past 5 years yes, before that, non.
Are you confident? confidence is lacking like hygiene.
How long does it take you to shower? as long as women
What color is your room? plain/white
Where do you want to attend college? formerly CCSF

Do you...?

Smoke? at a whim
Do drugs? at a whim
Drink? at a whim/when its free
Go to church? da fuck is church my du?
Sleep with stuffed animals? a long time ago
Take walks in the rain? dislike being wet
Talk to people even if you hate them? if it necessary
Drive? when i can
Believe in premarital sex? it happens when it happens
Want to get married? no
Want to go to college? not any longer.
Want to have children? none
Sing in the shower? to the best audience in the room
Get along with you parents? on the slightest of chances/ when i need things that are not necessary
Get along with your sibling/s? occasionally
Color/highlight your hair?  a few times i have
Like coffee? elixer of boredom
Wear makeup everytime you go out?  i cant even make up my mind.
Love roller coasters? its been too long
Like to cook? cant cook anything more than 4 steps

Have you ever...?

Hurt yourself? not intentionally
Been out of the country? Yes
Been in love? dont think i can 
Done drugs? i feel grass is as far as ill go. (but i am still open to experimentation)
Gone skinny dipping? Nope.
Had surgery? Not that i recall
Played strip poker? i wont even entertain the idea
Been on stage? a few times.
Pulled an all nighter? for recreational reasons/never for school
Gone one day without food? almost/but i can only go so long without food.
Slept all day? Yes, and its not its all cracked up to be.
Kissed a stranger? on the account of virtually not knowing anything other than she was a cousin's friend. yes.
Had a dream that came true? a few childish dreams.a
Broken the law? almost always everytime put the key into the ignition.
Stolen anything? nothing big.
Been on radio/tv? not that i recall.
Been in a mosh-pit? close...but still too scared to get fucked up.
Bungee jumped? too scary.
Had a dream that kept coming back? nope, i hardly dream
Gone out of state? not in a while.
Live in other states? nope, two major areas of cali doe.
Eaten an entire box of oreos? its possible, but havent finished one, yet.
Had a movie marathon? its seems impossible, but easier than life.
Spun until you were immensely dizzy? not since playground merry-go-rounds
Been on a plane? dont like the process to get in em. but they are enjoyable.
Ran into a wall? yes, if you count a bed's flat bottom, almost straight knocked out my teeth.
Been rejected by a crush?yes 
Cried in public? not that i recall.
Cried over a movie? too much for a person of my stature
Pranked called someone? who hasnt
Gotten a cavity? does this look like the profile of someone who doesnt like sweets?
Shopped at Abercrombie and Fitch? personally, no.
Broken a bone? fractured my nose, now owen wilson and i have too things in common. depression and messed up nose.
Fallen from a tree? i've fallen off my dad's shoulders and cut my head slightly.
Passed out? nope. not yet.
Been to a theme park? a healthy amount of times.
Eaten sushi? when i can get it.

This or That

Pepsi or Coke: either or. but really mexican coke is where its at.
McDonalds or BUrger King: whenever i feel like the high life. ;o
Chocolate or Vanilla: not even a question. dark chocolate
Black or White: white on black on white on black.
Burgers or Hot dogs: bacon dogs.
Boxers or briefs: Boxers
Book or magazine: mags, i dont have patience.
TV or radio: internet.
is the glass half empty or half full: im indifferent.
sun or moon: computer screen
hot or cold: swamp butt hot.
romantic comedy or thriller: ROM COM. always
waffles or pancakes: roscoe's
Florida or california: Cali
Black and white or color photos: colour, cause its so hard to not take a shitty black and white photo.
The city, the beach, OR the country: i act like a beach bum in the city.
Tennis shoes or sandals: skate shoes.
Sweet or sour: bitter
Private or public school: no school
Cappuccino or coffee: cafe au lait
English or history: english
Science or math: non

Do you believe ...?

in miracles? not anymore. more so favors
in magic? i believe in little people who steal stuff
in God? he's someone who cant do shit for me specifically.
in Satan? he's a lame fuck who's lazy
in ghosts? havent experienced anything remotely close.
in luck? Yes.
in love at first sight? nope.
in Santa? the idea.
in the Easter Bunny? not relevant.
in witches? not beyond how those harry potter kids made bank.
that it's possible to remain faithful forever? impossible through my standards.
in wishing on shooting stars? i never really think about it when i do notice em.
that cussing is a necessity in life? yes, you should be free to be as vulgar as you want.
yourself? nope. i hardly think about myself. not in a selfless kind of way, more like not important kind of way.

Love and all that

Do you consider love a mistake? never been in.
If someone you had no interest in had interest in dating you how would you? never.
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them? its a plus.
What is worst about the opposite sex? if i cant do normal things with you
Who and when was your first crush? this deserves an lol.
First thing you notice about the opposite sex? derriere. eyes, hair and style.

Right this moment...

What are you wearing? a white T with the letter T spraypainted askewed on it in black.
What are you worried about? waking up for a shop meeting at work.
What book are you reading? attempting to finish Zooey and Franny
What time is it? 5:07 am
Are you bored? restless
Are you tired? hardly
Are you talking to anyone online or on the phone? i have no friends, just people i know.
Are you lonely or content? lone wolf 4 lyfe.
Are you listening to music, if so then what? yes, Be Comfortable, creature - Explosions in the Sky

The Last...

Dream you had: random/unimportant things
Nightmare: dont care to remember them
Time you cried: its been a long minute.
Movie you watched: fragments of "A Little Princess" with my sis and bro.
Movie you rented: ...what is renting?
Book you read: Deathly Hallows
Word you said:  up, from "i am going to be hella noisy when i wake up"
Time you laughed: when i heard little girls dreaming about sausages in the movie. and then again when me and nick were talking about a famous line we both know from childhood "that'll do pig"
Person to call you: mom
CD you played: i dont really listen to cds but an album...maybe Childish Gambino's "Camp"
Song you listened to: see earlier
annoyance: my restlessness
IM sent or received: years ago./really days
Time you yelled: at people.
Person you yelled at: not out of anger i believe. (cant remember)
time you were a skirt: last time i wasnt a boy.
time you fought with your parents: when i dont tell my mom i am going out to drink with the boys.
Time you wished on a shooting star: lulz i was going to when danny was here and bryan noticed one i noticed and said i didnt see it, so i didnt wish on it.
Thing you ate: pie with creme friche
Time you showered: this morn
Nail polish color worn: never

Your favorite:

Type of gum: used to be juicy fruit for the longest, but now im about quantity so its usually orbit sweet mint
Restaurant: i dont really go out, but back in LA...it is hands down Bollini's even though i've only been once.
Season: that LA summer
Type of weather: i can deal with ball sweat hot, but not sweat evaporating off my skin hot.
Color: grey and black
Perfume: cologne nigga, and it be some john varvatos
Candy: twix. sum dark schocolate ish. and something minty.
Pizza topping: mushrooms and olives
Fruit: the kind i dont have to peel. banana is the only exception
Veggie: spinache
Type of cake: ice cream cake any will usually do, as long its not vanilla. actually something along the lines of mint chocolate chip ice cream cake or cookies and cream
Magazine: it should be any, but i think something that can last me a while and doesnt have any disparaging ads. 
TV Show: atm, Was "party down", Arrested Development, and ze community, cartoons, are that new school-ish
Day of the week: Currently I do not have a favorite day of th eweek. It used to be Wednesday, though.
Month: May-Aug fer dat summer
Holiday: anytime i get to do nothing.
Number: 4, 7
Sport to watch:  not a sport, but skateboarding.
Flower: dont really have a favorite flower, but off the top, it would have to be orchids.

what is it that i love?

so i've been thinking, do i really have a love that's waiting for me?

or am i waiting for love to find me?

do i have anything in my life that i adore so much i can use the word "love" to describe how much i like it?

i believe i do, i dont know it, but i do love food, i love pizza, i love ice cream and i love arcades, i loved the time that hearkened back to when i didnt have any worries. playing pokemon brought me back to that point a little, but did take a toll, a toll on my sleep, another thing i love. also doing nothing and thinking. sometimes i wish i could get paid for talking, im not funny, not really likeable, not handsome, i like to pretend i'm a lot of things. and i like to pretend, i can connect to people on level somewhat more personally, but tumblr is a great big delusion for this, besides the fact for a few people. who i have met and can glady say i would hang out with them, and the few i used to know, i feel i still do, but now they are merely friends i know through tumblr.

i like to say i get to know people, but do i really care?